Abby

The Weight of Dependence: When Friendship Turns to Anchor

Isn’t there something profoundly sad about realizing a relationship – one you deeply cherish – is holding you back? It's a feeling explored so beautifully, and often painfully, in films that center around the concept of dependence within friendship. I was recently reminded of this while revisiting Abby and Allie, a lovely if somewhat melancholy film, and it really got me thinking about how cinema grapples with the complexities of intertwined lives where one person’s well-being stifles another's growth.

Abby and Allie itself is a quietly devastating portrait of two elderly women, bound by years of shared history but increasingly estranged by Allie’s manipulative tendencies. It’s not overt abuse; it’s the subtle erosion of Abby’s agency, her dreams, slowly chipped away until she’s almost completely reliant on Allie's approval. And that’s where the interesting cinematic territory begins.

Think about Thelma & Louise. While ostensibly a film about female liberation and escaping societal constraints, at its core it’s also about dependence – Thelma’s initial reliance on Louise to show her what freedom really means. It's a dynamic shift; Louise takes control, but the question becomes: is this empowerment or simply transferring dependency? Or consider something like Harold and Maude. While played for dark comedy (and oh boy, is it darkly funny!), the film examines a similar imbalance – Harold’s emotional dependence on the vibrant Maude allowing him to confront his grief and existential dread. It’s less about control than about needing someone to jolt you out of stagnation, but still highlights the power dynamics at play within even unconventional friendships.

What's fascinating is how this theme has shifted over time. Earlier depictions often leaned into a more dramatic, almost gothic portrayal – think of the toxic codependency in Gaslight (though it’s romantic manipulation rather than pure friendship). Nowadays, filmmakers seem more inclined to explore the nuances, the subtle ways someone can subtly sabotage another's potential without necessarily intending malice.

Ultimately, films that tackle this kind of dependence aren’t just about cautionary tales; they’re about the uncomfortable truths we face in all our relationships. They ask us to examine not only how others affect us but also how we contribute to those dynamics—and whether clinging to comfort is truly worth sacrificing a chance at genuine flourishing.

What films explore this theme that you've found particularly compelling? I’d love to hear your thoughts!